The Portland situation and my opinions about it

In summary: shit is crazy. The protests in Portland (I live in the Portland suburbs so this is my town) are growing and amplifying, with the federal officers out with tear gas and pepper balls every night, and they have kidnapped some people off the street, even though it's outside their jurisdiction. (They are supposed to stay on Federal property, unless pursuing a person suspected of a federal crime, and there was no reason to pick up the people they did.)

This is some serious authoritarian overreach. The Portland police already were in riot gear, using tear gas and violent tactics on peaceful protesters. That approach only proves the point of the protests: they are against racism and police brutality, after all. What I see is that police will use violence on whoever they decide is shifty or shady, be it protesters or people of color.

The Department of Homeland Security put out a piece DHS.Gov Link listing all the crimes the "violent anarchists" committed justifying their riot control actions, most of which was graffiti. Rates of a bunch of crime stats have actually gone down in Portland during the protests KOIN.Com PPB Release. In case you were wondering, graffiti isn't violence. Then Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler went out to the protests, and subsequently got teargassed, so I guess he's in with the "violent anarchists" now. He is also known as "Tear Gas Teddy" for allowing the Portland Police use of teargas. The Portland Police were using plenty of unnecessary force and violence before the feds showed up, so the Feds are not the only problem here.

There are a few people who are doing real property damage, and I do not support that. They should be held to account. But there are thousands of people out there protesting peacefully, and getting teargassed and shot with "less lethal" weapons in return. [OPB.Org Article[(https://www.opb.org/news/article/federal-officers-portland-protester-shot-less-lethal-munitions/)

I have been watching videos and reports from local news and local reporters on twitter, which seems to be the best way to get eyewitness accounts of what's happening, and see who is perpetrating the violence and criminal behavior.

A couple of weeks ago, I drove through downtown Portland to see what it looked like with my own eyes. I saw a lot of graffiti, a huge shrine to George Floyd and other victims, and quite a few boarded up windows. It is not a city on the verge of collapse, whatever the news says. It is a city that needs healing and resolution.

It's about time to drive through again and check things out. This is my town. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my small neighborhood now that we live in the suburbs, away from Portland proper. But these events remind me how much I still love Portland, and I feel protective of it.

I am not out protesting personally because there is a still a pandemic and I still need to avoid getting the Coronavirus because I am heading into a fresh round of IVF in a month and have to test negative for that to happen. I am so tempted though, and staying home while this is all going down is pretty awful. I feel twitchy and restless. I have been emailing Portland government officials though, and today I will send emails to my state representatives too. I appreciate Senator Wyden and Senator Merkley's responses to this situation. OBP.Org Article, KOIN.Com Article

And the talk with family…

So that's the backdrop of current events this week. Meanwhile, I started talking to a beloved family member about politics. (Insert yikes emoji here.) This is a painful experience for me. This is a loving, wonderful person, and we are very close. She is also what I would realistically categorize as a libertarian conspiracy theorist.

A few weeks ago, after the racial justice protests started happening, we talked about the protests and racism. I tried to explain why I believe that racism is real, that the protests are important and that police brutality is out of hand.

Now, I know that she does not consciously mean anyone ill will - black, white or otherwise. But that's not what dealing with systemic racism is about. It's the subtle things we don't realize, and the ways it's built into the system. It's about acknoledging the violence that is a part of our country's history and working to heal those wounds as they affect people living now. I think that fighting with individuals about their secret inner prejudices is less productive than dealing with it in systemic situations, like mass incarceration and police brutality. The facts about those situations are represented in simple numbers that are plain to see. By all means, explore your inner prejudices and study the history of our country. That is critical and important work. But I think focus should be on systemic and policy change, and accountability on the part of public officials and law enforcement. Some people just won't understand yet, and we don't need to wait for them to come around for systemic and policy change to happen.

Anyway. So I started talking to a family member about politics. I told this family member that I think police brutality hurts all Americans, but hits people of color hardest, and she said she would agree with me about that, if I would "leave race out of it."

I hoped that some openness about these topics would eventually lead to her understanding my perspective a bit. That may one day be true, but for now she's just hoping to get through to me in the same way I am trying to get through to her. I want to be fair minded about it, but nothing she's telling me rings true, which has made me feel a bit guilty. I want to give her perspective a fair shake. But when I look into these theories, I don't find anything credible. I find things that can be misinterpreted if not considered with enough depth, but that's not the same thing.

This week however, I am giving myself permission to call them conspiracy theories and not to feel required to take them seriously. That is painful to do, because I don't want to write off her opinions. She's a smart woman and I respect her.

My theory is that a person can get so deep into the conspiracy worldview, that anything outside of it seems far fetched and unrealistic. It also supported by being isolated from other people and events, not traveling to other countries, etc. A fear-based mentality, as my best friend reminded me. So I don't really know how to reach into that world and pull someone out. Can it even be done? (Note to self: One more thing to research)

A sample of the theories she has told me about:

• There isn't any evidence of a plane hitting the Pentagon in the 9/11 attacks. It was consistent with a missile instead.
• Hilary Clinton is a murderer (I'm not sure who she is supposed to have murdered though)
• The CDC is acting nefariously to inflate numbers of Coronavirus deaths.
• Wearing a mask is dangerous and unhealthy and the steps taken to try to manage the Coronavirus (masks and shutdowns) is generally an attempt to control people and take away freedoms.
• A coronavirus vaccine too will be a dangerous scam of some kind, and she will never take it.
• President Trump is not such a bad guy and he is "surrounded by enemies" that are trying to undermine him and take him down, and have probably already made a couple of attempts on his life.
• George Floyd had lethal levels of Fentanyl in his blood stream and was not necessarily murdered because that drug reaction can cause people to feel like they can't breathe.

Here's what I found on these topics:

• Last weekend, when the George Floyd autopsy conversation was going on, my brother (who is wicked smart and better at critical thinking than anyone I know) found a great video by a doctor explaining the mechanics of George Floyd's death. That was very helpful for me to understand what happened in a way that satisfied my questions and made sense. YouTube Link
• Also regarding George Floyd, I just came across a study that explained that post-mortem Fentanyl levels don't tell you much about how much Fentanyl was in their system when they were alive. (For those who saw a "potentially fatal" quantity of Fentanyl in George Floyd's blood toxicology and thought maybe he overdosed instead of being murdered.) Academic.oup.com
• I looked up photos from Flight 77 when it crashed into the Pentagon. I found out that there weren't images of the plane sticking out of the building, because the plane disintigrated on impact. There were however photos of pieces of the fusilage and debris scattered across the Pentagon lawn. Popular Mechanics 911 Myths and Wikipedia Flight 77
• Looking into the Coronavirus over-reporting topic, this article was useful: MedPageToday Also these: Snopes CDC Guidelines CDC Covid Cause of Death Guidelines
• I have not dug too deeply into the Clinton murder conspiracy thing, but this seems a valid summary: Vox Clinton Body Count

It is painful to feel so at odds with someone I love so much, who believes wholeheartedly in these ideas and for whom they make perfect sense. Clearly some of these are more far-fetched than others.

On Wednesday, we talked about the protests in Portland and the Feds that were in the city now, thanks to Trump's executive order and general "law and order" vibe. Also his comments that he plans to send federal troops to other "Democrat run" cities as well. She said "you don't like the president much, do you?" And so I told her what I thought of him. I somehow thought that she might trust my instinct about things, and so I told her that my instinct says that he is a dangerous horrible evil human, motivated by greed and narcissism and hunger for power and good ratings. That has been confirmed by every action I see him take and everything I hear him say. And at the end of that conversation we decided to do a news boycott so that we could relax and let our minds reset without all the external stimulation. Ha! I will tell you, that conversations like this one are a thousand times more anxiety producing than reading the news most days. I was anxious and kept thinking about these topics the rest of the day. And the next day she called me to try to get me to walk back my dislike of Trump, because "he's not so bad" and he's "surrounded by enemies" who are trying hurt him, and probably have already made a couple of attempts on his life. After that I totally gave up on the news boycott because I had to go research some of this, and felt very freaked out by it all. Getting an earfull of things that don't make sense to me, while being worried about events in my town was too much for me to handle while trying to just go pick flowers or whatever and feel peaceful away from the news.

Changing My Own Approach

Yesterday I began watching videos about conspiracy theories and the mindset behind it. It is painful, but necessary for me to accept that I can evaluate these things with my own best judgment, and when I look into it and find nothing but nonsense, I can call it as I see it. I don't want to think so little of my family's data evaluation skills, but it is more damaging to my life to try to justify things that contradict common sense, and reconcile opposing narratives, trying to make them both valid.

Another note: this is also not me just loving the "mainstream media" and accepting the lowest common denominator of public opinion. I hold plenty of non-mainstream ideas, most especially about spirituality. I believe in past lives, the sacredness of the Earth, I'm not overfond of monotheism and its associated patriarchy, and I am skeptical about many things in modern medicine, and EMFs as well, and I think there are aliens out there somewhere, (but, no, I don't think Queen Elizabeth is one of them). So feel free to think me strange. I also don't simply accept the Democratic party line. I think underneath all the problems lie the problems of big money and corporate influence in politics. We should have national mail-in voting, get rid of gerrymandering, get rid of the Citizens United decision, and implement national ranked choice voting, and outlaw lobbying and all forms of influence and bribery so that our representatives answer to their constituents, not their donors. Then we might have a democracy that listens to its citizens, and then we might get somewhere.

So I am reaffirming my ability to use my own judgment, even if a loved one would not appreciate it or agree. I hope she never reads this. I love you.